Finding Your Calm, Safe Space

Creating a Foundation of Grounding

“Now think of your calm, safe space,” the EMDR therapist challenged me, as I sat with my eyes closed and hands tightly grasped around the bilateral buzzers. The image flashed into my consciousness. The lush, green rolling hills. The turquoise tinge of the water below. Purple and ivory hydrangeas lined the dirt path, peering over cavernous lakes diverging on both sides. The whole body tension that seemed to wring out my insides just seconds before began to slowly release.

My Calm, Safe Space

Lagoa das Sete Cidades, better known for its two separate bodies of Lagoa Verde and Lagoa do Fogo, left a permanent imprint during my first trip to the Azores. Other breathtaking monuments and landscapes- Machu Picchu, Zion National Park, and the Taj Mahal- caused my heart to skip a beat, but did not quiet my mind. Between the Green Lake and Lake of Fire, the vibrant greenery, subtle floral notes, and glassy waters left me transfixed. As the whole scene enveloped all of my senses, I had a very distinct thought- “Is this how complete calm feels?” When my EMDR therapist encouraged a decision between bright, healing light or calm, safe space, my body intuitively yearned for the latter. This felt like such a soothing image that it had adorned my iPhone Wallpaper since 2018. A string of subsequent vacations, life milestones, and meaningful quotes had yet to overtake this prominent place.

Leaning into the Power of a Calm, Safe Space

“Notice the colors you see. What you smell, what you feel. How does your body feel in this space? What do you hear? Is there anything else that you would like to add or take away from this space?” We had just processed through a deep-seated memory that was wrought with pain and fear. I could feel the searing rip through my heart as I lay sprawled on the stairs, just as I was back in that immensely painful moment. As we transitioned to the calm, safe space, however, everything changed. My eyes floated in seas of bright blues and luscious greens. The gentle breeze tickled my face. The distinct floral smell wafted through the air, as I heard the grassy fronds blowing in the wind. It all felt so real. My feet were back on solid ground, firmly planted on the well-trod trail. My body standing high and confident, not crippled on a staircase feeling like a dagger was permeating my heart. In an instant, I was calm again. I was safe.

How to Find This Space for Yourself

Think back on your life. When did you feel most alive, loved, peaceful, encouraged, or seen? What was your escape when life got too tough? Was it as far flung as the depth of an Amazonian rain forest or as close as the confines of the four walls of your bedroom? In the therapy world, a safety plan is a common tool for individuals to retain and refer to during times of crisis. Most safety plans encourage the individual to contemplate the places they can physically travel to in times of significant stress or a trigger. The complexities between mind and body are complex. Our bodies can perceive an existing physical space, even though only psychological in origin. If you haven’t ventured out into an escape that feels inherently calming or soothing, a treasure trove of stunning images adorns a variety of media sources and can provide a brilliant substitution.

In that moment, I felt truly transported back to those gorgeous lakes in the Azores. Even though my physical body was still grounded in that therapy office, my mind was fully settled in Sao Miguel, enamored by the scenery. The trauma and pain drifted away, along a hydrangea-scented breeze over lakes and trees.

Close your eyes and envision a calm, safe space for yourself. What do you see, hear, smell, and feel in that space? Please feel free to share!